I know, I know. I drew you in with the subject heading. It was purposeful, I’ll admit. I’ve been trying to figure out how to begin this note. Most of you know the journey Jesus has me in these past few years. It’s been a process of dark chains and oppression to brighter and brighter freedom in Christ. And I know much of the glorious experiences in this post might go against some of the theology you’ve been taught. Just bear with me… This is a part of my testimony. It’s taken a couple of weeks to sit and percolate in the intensity of what happened when I went to Moravian Falls, NC two weeks ago. I know most most you will be able to relate on an experiential level to what I’m describing here. Just listen for Holy Spirit. He is so good, and will guide you as you read.
First, let me back up. My whole life, there has been this undercurrent in my being of not really belonging anywhere. Of always being an outsider. I think I first really noticed it in elementary school, but never had the words to speak it. Then in the junior high years, when a young person is actually formulating those questions in her mind and looking for answers, the sense of not belonging anywhere grew. By the time I was in high school, I knew I didn’t really belong, so I threw myself into dance, trying to prove I actually did belong, escaped into music where I could just belong to myself, and lived at church where, at least at my church, the idea that we were ‘the remnant’ and didn’t belong with all those other Christians was encouraged. By the time I was out of college, it had all crumbled. My parents divorced, my dysfunctional church imploded, and the seeds ‘you really are on your own’ and ‘you really don’t belong anywhere’ had grown into oppressive, relationally destructive strongholds.
In my adult years, genealogical findings and family lore rendered that my ethnic heritage came from all over the place. Wales. Ireland. Germany. Ancient North America. Scotland. Israel. Great Britain. Bavaria. I thought, ‘If I could just run through the green hills of Ireland, maybe then I would feel like I belonged somewhere.’ I read passages from God’s Word telling me that I was a sojourner here anyway. And I would interpret in my heart (note: I would interpret. Not Holy Spirit interpreting.) that it was okay to not truly belong. That I could expect to feel this way my whole life. Resignation. Defeat. The lie wins.
At this point, I know I’ve touched some of you. Maybe most of you. Because you’ve felt the same loneliness in the core of your being. Let me quote some more Scripture for you.
“No one born of a forbidden union may enter the assembly of the Lord. Even to the tenth generation, none of his descendants may enter the assembly of the Lord. (Deuteronomy 23:2 ESV)
So. I used to read this and think, “Wow. That is really harsh. Because of the parents’ sex outside of marriage, the child isn’t allowed? What’s up with that?” It was a major block for me. It was one of those verses I would read and secretly judge God as unjust. Which was further exacerbated by the next phrase: “Even to the tenth generation, none of his descendants may enter into the house of The Lord.” If you think about it, that’s like 300 years, give or take a few.
Who knows their own family history well enough to know what those ancestors were into 300 years ago? Really? Or what happened to them 300 years ago? Our own nation isn’t even 250 years old.
Now, before you start spinning off on Old Testament vs. New Testament, and how we Christians are no longer under the law (For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes (Romans 10:4 ESV), remember that Jesus said this:
“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. (Matthew 5:17 ESV)
In His next breath, He says this:
For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. (Matthew 5:18 ESV)
I look around and I notice that heaven and earth are still here. Which must therefore mean that the law of God remains in place. And that maybe that section about the bastard child in Deuteronomy is still true. And that quite possibly those ancestors I know nothing about participated in sex outside of marriage. And that at least one of them was conceived before marriage ties were consecrated before The Lord.
I most certainly have the markers for this curse. Feeling like I don’t fit. Feeling excluded from the general assembly. Denying that belonging is important to me. Making secret agreements that flying solo is just the way of this life. Lies. All of them.
Remember that post about Jesus delivering my daughter from generational menstrual hemorrhage? It’s real. And He delivers from the curse of the bastard, too.
While I was in Moravian Falls, I attended a class, taught by the author herself, on restoring your spiritual birthright. She taught from her book, “Silencing the Accuser.” To quote her, “By applying Leviticus 26:40 to this situation through the confession of your sins and the sins and iniquities of your forefathers, freedom can be released to your entire family. Scripture tells us that the Kingdom of Heaven suffers violence and the violent take it by force (Matthew 11:12). We must apprehend our freedom from the curse of the law because Jesus became a curse for each one of us. Just as we must violently seize our healing and deliverance, we must take a stand of faith for our complete redemption from the curse based on our covenant. When the sin is confessed and placed under the Blood, the legal ground of the enemy is removed and the curse is nullified. When you confess the sins of your forefathers regarding the curse of the bastard, you repent for the fornication, adultery, rape, selfishness and abandonment of the individuals involved in the original sin. Forgive your ancestors because they knew not what they did to their seed. The child and the subsequent generations are innocent of the sin but still under the curse of illegitimacy.”
“But if they confess their iniquity and the iniquity of their fathers in their treachery that they committed against me, and also in walking contrary to me… (Leviticus 26:40 ESV)
I walked out of that class with no new revelation, other than I knew my spirit jumped within me when we prayed through and cancelled the curse of illegitimacy. But here’s where the rubber meets the road:
Last weekend I took a class at Streams Ministries. Always before when I go over there, I really struggle with not feeling like I fit in. I kinda sneak in the back, don’t talk with anyone, worship with tears streaming down my face and then leave real quick. This time was different. Even before I left home, I knew it was different. I even told my husband, “Babe! It’s different this time. I’m not sure what it is, but I don’t feel weird about going to Streams.” Then on the way over there I hear this from The Lord: “The curse of the bastard is broken.”
You could have knocked me over with a breath. As soon as I arrived, I texted my NC traveling girlfriends and told them. I texted my husband and told him. Now I’m telling you the story. It’s real. It’s so very real.
The Streams class was amazing, and I made some more friends (!). I sensed God’s pleasure in the measure of freedom He offered me – and I apprehended. I felt so comfortable there. Like I was with family. God lead me to people who are experienced, seasoned prophetic intercessors. I can’t wait to glean from their wisdom!
Most of all, I am stunned by the glory of belonging. Belonging not only in Christ, but also in The Bride. The accuser has been silenced in this area of my life. Praise You, Father of Lights!
The only place** you can purchase “Silencing the Accuser” is here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/search.ep?keyWords=Silencing+the+accuser&type=
I highly recommend this heaven-sent tool into freedom.
It feels good to exercise authority. It feels good to be free.
**since the writing of this piece, “Silencing the Accuser” by Jacquelin and Daniel Hanselman can now be found on amazon.com, Lulu, and other online sources.